MalcontentCategories: Same Shit--Different Day Comments Off on The World sits down to yet another helping of North Korean Scary Pie…
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First published in 2009
WTF? Jumpin’ Jeezus Christ, Mother, Mary, and Joseph! The Bastards are going to nuke Hawaii!
North Korea has emerged from its inscrutable kitchen overlooking the Taedong River to deliver (with a flourish) yet another example of its award winning (but solitary) signature entrée. And, as usual, the regulars are duly impressed by the classic fare.
This week’s special is their classic rendition of Scary Pie…a flavorsome treat of flaky layers enclosing a stewed rendition of plutonium, poverty, megalomania, envy, trans-national terrorism, paranoia, bombast, opportunism, and ego…all served on a sizzling piece of hardened armor plate…and drizzled with a regional ballistic missile sauce which seems to have broadened its range across everyone’s’ palate this week.
Those pesky Northern Koreans have emerged from their perennially failed roadside international diner for another attempt at semi-haute cuisine. After nearly closing deals for rights to the secret family recipe to international restaurant industry giants Clinton and Bush, Head Chef Kim Jong-il has attempted to reinvigorate the franchise by serving up the classic dish at a phenomenal markup. Rumors of recent restaurant demolition projects are apparently premature as the newly refurbished kitchen appears to be again cooking with fire.
All Post-Election Obama Partygoers are invited to thrill and trill to the familiar aroma of fear drifting across the wide boulevards of the Pacific. This critic’s review says that buying a heaping platter of Scary Pie will be the summer’s gastronomic hit (albeit at 10 times the original 1990-2008 price in devalued and imaginary dollars). Rumor control says that unless President Obama can buy out the North Korean restaurant, local entrepreneurs Japan and South Korea may even try their own hand at nuclear fast food franchises…a prospect no doubt alarming to local eatery speculators Russia and China.
Dear Leader and his staff are again rattling cookware in the hopes of cutting spectacularly better financial deals from Mr. Obama and Ms. Clinton than those offered by previous venture capitalists.
This should work out swimmingly for all concerned as the North Koreans simply want a cut of the trillions in imaginary dollars that the Administration is already printing and spending. It’s panned out so well for GM and Illinois…why not for Pyongyang?
Dear China: Reign in your little friends or hope the wind blows in the right direction.
Love & Kisses, the USA
US National Defense Strategy:
1) Bury head in sand (or elsewhere).
2) Wait until someone comes along and kicks us square in the nuts.
3) Stumble around in shock and surprise until figuring out how to fight.
4) Beat them into a bloody pulp.
5) Pick up their hospital tab afterwards.